


Funsies

by greenkangaroo



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-07
Updated: 2016-11-07
Packaged: 2018-08-29 13:58:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8492422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenkangaroo/pseuds/greenkangaroo
Summary: "The bar went silent as everyone in it remembered, quite suddenly, that Akimichi Chouza was a special Jounin and former ANBU heavyweight who used to sneak up behind Hyuuga Hiashi for funsies."





	

The first time was an accident, insomuch as one ninja sneaking up on another was an accident. 

It was the chunin exam. They had just completed the Forest of Death, and by hook or by crook both of their teams had made it. After a nasty encounter with Iwa's competing genin Anko was looking gray, and Hiashi was hovering as Genma did some basic first aid. Hiashi did not do 'worried' well. 

Chouza, of course, noticed this. 

Shikaku noticed Chouza notice and while he didn’t encourage his team mate he didn’t exactly stop the bigger boy from heading for Team 4. 

It wasn’t until Chouza put his hand on Hiashi’s shoulder- and found himself grabbing the Hyuuga’s wrist to prevent a viper-fast gentle fist strike- that he realized something phenomenal as it was surprising. 

Hiashi hadn’t heard him coming. 

At all. 

Hiashi, being Hiashi, recovered quickly. He relaxed his position and Chouza obligingly released him. Inoichi came wandering over and Chouza asked Hiashi if Anko was okay. 

“She’ll live.” Hiashi said, which Inoichi snorted at. 

Across the clearing, Shikaku filed away the incident. 

Chouza did, too. 

—

The second time it happened was no accident. It was in the marketplace. Hiashi was following the family cook, helping with the shopping as was expected of a Main House heir- Chouza himself had similar chores as future Head of the Akimichi. 

Chouza, gifted with an almost supernaturally immense amount of patience, trailed and did not trail after his year mate, newly a chunin. He wasn’t after being tagged as a troublemaker by the Hyuuga guards he knew were keeping an eye on their heir- he was just curious. 

Hiashi was very good at pretending not to care, but Anko’s injury had concerned him. Was worry for his team mate to blame for his lapse in sensory awareness? 

At a fresh vegetable stall, Chouza discovered that the answer was no. 

For when he came up alongside Hiashi to examine a bunch of on-the-vine fruits, the Hyuuga _jumped._

It was only a little. It was just barely there. It was a reflex that he would eventually train out of himself. 

But still.

Hiashi Hyuuga had jumped. 

“What are you doing here?” He snapped, which Chouza took as another form of victory. Hiashi stood on manners like the ANBU stood on secrecy. If he hadn’t been startled he never would have spoken so to another young Clan heir, especially not a Pillar Clan heir, even if the Hyuuga thought the Akimichi were a bunch of overfed mercenaries who got lucky. 

“Buying tomatoes.” Chouza said with his most blankly innocent face. “what are you doing, Hiashi?” 

A grumble, an excuse, and away Hiashi went. 

He and his invisible minders were long gone when Chouza smiled. 

It wasn’t a kind smile at all. 

—

Walk softly.

It was an important part of Clan training, something that was near-beaten into every Akimichi who wore the leaf symbol. Walk softly. Walk like the beat of a butterfly's wings, with barely a displacement of air. Never let them hear you coming, never let them know you're there, not until it's too late. 

After the marketplace experiment Chouza more fully embraced this part of his training. He had a natural talent for it, as it turned out. Shikaku helped him test it, leading Chouza into the deeper parts of the Nara forest. The deer there were less used to people, more prone to fleeing at the tiniest sound. Chouza worked at it until he could come up alongside even the most skittish of bucks without problem. 

There was, of course, the not-so-small matter of the byakugan. 

As Inoichi pointed out, however, who wanted to use a doujutsu that gave them a raging headache for anything other than battle? 

"So don't go making him paranoid," the Yamanaka concluded as he finished repotting an iris. "Or else you'll really have a problem on your hands." 

"I suppose I would," Chouza agreed, and went home to make dinner. 

\---

 

Chouza fully expected Hiashi to get wise to his game, though he only ever played it once or perhaps twice a year. They didn't run in the same social circles- the Hyuuga had their political fingers in an entirely different set of pies than the Akimichi. That limited Chouza's fun to a few select moments, like when they were both being assigned missions or sometimes in a more public venue like a restaurant or the marketplace. 

When Chouza caught Hiashi by the river, one cool autumn evening, the newly minted Head of the Hyuuga snapped at him, “If you’re going to waste time bothering me maybe you should join ANBU.” 

Chouza contemplated that. 

“Maybe I will.” He said. 

Hiashi had scoffed and Chouza had just smiled and ambled silently away. 

—

Chouza did join ANBU. 

Rolled in like a fat happy hurricane and flattened every challenge thrown his way until Minato Namikaze, shaking his head and laughing, could only offer the biggest mask they had and say, “You’re gonna have to do something about your hair.” 

Chouza did a solid nine years of service. 

His specialties were showing up suddenly, killing everything in his sightline, and disappearing just as quickly. 

He got a lot of practice in sneaking up on people. 

Killing Intent? For chumps. 

When Chouza retired, a little silver-haired recruit named Kakashi watched in awe as the butterfly mask was hung up on the wall. 

Chouza celebrated his life back in the world of light by immediately sneaking up on Hiashi at the library. 

“Aren’t we too old for this?” Hiashi demanded in a hissing whisper. 

“Too old for what?” Chouza asked him, and headed to the pregnancy and parenting section. 

—

The mourners had all gone and it was just Hiashi and Hizashi. 

Well. Hiashi and the gravemarker that bore his brother's name. 

Hiashi had his hands folded in front of him, mind wandering in tightening circles of despair, when he heard the softest scuff of a foot. 

Chouza came into his peripheral, all blood-red hair and a massive expanse of black clad chest. Hiashi looked pointedly down at the larger ninja's feet and then up to meet Chouza's eyes. The Akimichi withdrew, from his voluminous and likely seal-embroidered sleeves, a stoneware bottle. He offered it without comment. 

Hiashi took it and once uncorked gave it a cursory sniff. 

"Should I be surprised," he asked, "that you knew he loved plum wine?" 

Chouza shrugged. 

Hiashi laughed and as he laughed he cried. 

"They're all going to expect me to be fine." He whispered. "To just, just _accept_ this. He had a son." 

Hiashi took a sip straight from the bottle. 

When he brought his gaze back up, Chouza was gone. 

\---


End file.
